When a man first grows a beard (or rather, when he stops shaving), people will ask, “Why did you grow a beard?” If you’ve ever wondered how to answer the question, then share this poem with those scruff-less skeptics. Here’s why I grew a beard:
A beard’s (to most) a silly thing –
Just facial hair allowed to cling
Upon its bearer’s face too long.
“’Tis best,” say they, “to shave. C’mon!”
With bearded men this hallowed truth
Is known quite well; they swear: “Forsooth!
My beard is not some whiskered shame!
‘Tis crown, and rank, and lion’s mane!”
And, would you ask the buck to lop
His antler’s off with chopping block?
Why then the pleas for faces nude,
And not my manliness exude?
Did Erikson with bald face sail?
Or Shakespeare take up ink and quill
And write with smooth and beardless grace?
Did Plato teach with shaven face?
Did soft-cheeked Leonidas fight
With beardless Spartan manly might?
Or Peter, Paul, and Jesus preach
With hairless, girly, rosy cheeks?
I hope you’ve seen o’er time and age
That warrior, preacher, and wise sage
Each one their manliness allowed
To show with beard grown long and proud.
Thus I shall keep my face unshorn –
With locks my cheeks and chin adorn.
For bearded face is how God made
This man. So bearded I shall stay.
A big thanks to the proprietor over at canyouhandlebar.com whose beard poetry challenge was the inspiration for my hirsute prose. I highly recommend their beard products: https://amzn.to/2uxl7zH